5.06.2011

acceptance.

i am totally that blogger right now. that blogger who blogs about the glee episode a week or so ago,
born this way.
i have been very off and on with glee lately. but born this way was on. real big kid stuff was addressed.

the song covers of unpretty/i feel pretty and born this way were uh-maze-ing.

that said

there are so many things i would change about me. i feel like i am always comparing myself or thinking "once ___ will happen then it will be ok" or i'll be better then or something something.

on physical beauty:
appearance is SO subjective. it is so cliché to say but... beauty is in the eye of the beholder. i get angry at myself when i think someone or something is ugly.

sometimes when i'm in a crowded place, like on the metro... i try to pick out one physical characteristic on each person that i think is beautiful.

i just saw a tweet (on the jimmy fallon show) that said, "my mom picks out the odd-shaped watermelons at the store because she feels bad for them."
and i know that is a silly comparison... but why is it that i feel bad for someone when i think they aren't pretty? shouldn't i be feeling bad for myself that appearance is such a concern of mine?

why am i judging them?
why am i judging me for certain physical things that either i can't control or things that i should embrace...
like my super bright skin?! or my numerous freckles and moles?
(p.s. that was hard for me to even write those things down. why?)

on inside beauty:
it's almost a given, especially in such a media driven country as the u.s. that physical and inner beauty totally coincide... because guaranteed i judge someone first by what they look like. and then that determines how i judge their personality.
and i am almost always wrong about my judgment! so why do i keep doing it?

why can't i just give others a chance... just like i want them to give me a chance?
why can't i be natural and loving and accepting just like i imagine i could be?

i don't like that sometimes i am mean or insensitive or totally selfish.

but that.
is what.
was on my mind.
and
i hope.
at some point.
i can accept
myself.
and i can accept.
you for you.

11 comments:

Cassie said...

love this post.
love the honesty.
there is beauty here.

Rhianne said...

I can't actually imagine you being mean, selfish or insensitive Emily, I don't know you other than your blog but you seem extremely considerate and kind so please don't beat yourself up too much, there is always room for change within yourself if you want it enough.

p.s. I love your pale skin and freckles, I'm the same :)

EunnieProctor said...

I think you are beautiful inside and out. I love your bright skin, freckles and moles. I love my husband's bright skin, freckles and moles too:) Love this post. I wish I didn't judge so much on looks as well. It's a hard thing to do and probably something I will work on my whole life.

communikate. said...

amen and amen.

pst.. i when i read "acceptance" i thought it was news!!:)

Megan Marie said...

hmmm, interesting thought. i do that, too. sit in a crowded space and look for beauty-marks. :)

kELLO! said...

good words, you!

i totally bought ifeelpretty/unpretty cause you're right. it was amazing.

that watermelon thing is funny- and that's cool what you do on the subway.

Caroline said...

Great post!! I absolutely LOVED that episode!! Sending you hugs. Xo.

Autumn said...

I constantly struggle with how I feel about my appearance too...and my husband is slowly helping me realize it is kind of ridiculous.

Miss Bear said...

That was my fav episode...especially the duet with Quinn and Rachel.
It is hard when we live in a society where looks can really be everything! I'm constantly pointing out my own flaws.
I would hate to know if people were saying bad things about me...so I do my best to not saw negative (ugly) things about them.
Loves to you!
oxoxo

sienna said...

you have beautiful skin! great thoughts. totally something i need to work on as well. i've been having a really hard time adjusting to my post-baby body and i need to find a way to still love myself and feel beautiful. i'm working on it and it's a slow process.

Peggy said...

Wouldnt it be revealing if the outside Of us looked like the true self on the inside.
Read .portrait of Dorian gray.
Sorry not to good at The new iPad..